How do you know that you are from Balkan
1. No one has a job but everyone has a mobile phone
2. Your parents never told you about bees and flowers
3. At your wedding you only know a third of the guests
4. During World Cup there is an uproar and the police are in it
5. At your wedding there will be at least 350 guests
6. You notice that pedestrians don’t have priority
7. In villages there are more cafés than residents
8. At your wedding the first song is: “Danas majka zeni svoga sina”
9. When you are in a café, there are 5 things on the table: car keys, cigarettes, a cheap lighter, mobile phone and a drink
10. For an inexplicable reason it is digestible to eat a greasy meat burek in the middle of the night after coming from the disco
11. You get caught by the police but they let you go because they know one of your uncles
12. You need to turn the “bojler” on at least 1 hour before taking a shower so you have hot water
13. The light switch for the bathroom is not in the bathroom
14. Your friend spends all of his monthly salary (100 Mark) in one night partying with all of his friends
15. You weigh more than 150 kg and your bakica still thinks you are too thin
16. While eating you say no to a refill but you will always get a full new plate (especially at bakica)
17. People are always asking how to get a visa in your country
18. Your father moans “da ga ledja bole”
19. When the old people wonder why you are not married with 23 years
20. Electricity is off at least once a day
21. You see graffity like “Zoran”, “Slavisa + Svetlana”, “Pusi Kurac”, “Dinamo” etc.
22. Your neighbour city is speaking a different language
23. Marlboro costs 1,80 Mark, Rohill 1,25 Mark!!!!
24. People try to stop smoking, meaning 2 packs of Rohill Superlights instead of one pack of Rohill Lights!!!
25. You are afraid of going out with someone from your selo, because they might be related to you
26. You have a leather jacket
27. You have more alcohol at home than available at a bar
28. All celebrations have the same menu: “Supa, sarma i pecenje”
29. All weddings have the same menu: “Supa, sarma i pecenje”
30. At least one of your friends is called Dragan or Ado
31. Your mother is still making your bed
32. Your parents went barefoot across the mountains to school, even during winter
33. Your mother is baking bread and cutting the 5 cm thick slices with a huge kitchen knife
34. You have the biggest sandwiches in school, mostly containing “salami” or “pasteta”
35. All hot guys and girls are related to you
36. Your parents go on holidays once a year and go “down”
37. Your last name ends on “ic”
38. You have brown eyes and brown hair
39. You eat a whole bread at breakfast / lunch / dinner
40. You have bread even when you are eating French fries
41. Your parents will have a mouthful of rakija for breakfast
42. When your are feminine, your name ends with an “a”
43. Your uncle is making his own wine, stronger than rakija
44. Your mother is consisting that “promaja” will kill you
45. You live at your parents house until you get married
46. When rakija is medicine for everything
47. Your grandmother wont accept that you are not hungry
48. You teach your friends bad words
49. You swear with every second word
50. You have a freezer full of frozen meat
51. When your maijka says she doesn’t care what other people say
52. You go home to your baba and she offers you “Supa, sarma, pecenje und kolaci” and gets mad if you don’t finish your plate
53. You were told that you will grow a tail when you drink coffee
54. You were scared with BABAROGA when you were a kid
55. You were washed in the LAVOR as a kid
56. The first words you spoke as a kid were “jebi ga!”
57. Everyone thinks you are Italian or Greek
58. No one pronounces your last name correctly so they make up nicks for it
59. Your mamma cut your hair with a SERPA
60. Your mamma calls you STOKA
61. Your parents rather buy cassettes than CDs
62. Your stari tells you “kad sam ja bio u tvojim godinama“
63. Your father is talking to you and calling you BUDALA in every second word
64. If your parents are always right
65. You are sitting in a café for 3 hours but only have 1 drink
66. Your head was shaved every summer as a kid so your hair will grow better
67. As soon as your tell your neighbour that you are JUGO they will ask for rakija
68. On your birthday everyone is pulling you by the ears
69. You only work part time but still drive a BMW
70. You either have a cassette or video with Lepa Brena
71. Your grandparents think you are sick because your parents are not giving you enough food
72. First thing you do when visiting your friends: take off your shoes, kiss the mother and shake the fathers hand
73. You ask a friend to bring you cigarettes from “down there”
74. You are dancing on the table and break glasses when you are drunk
75. Your mother or father will threaten you with “kajs” or “papuca”
76. Your father is telling you: “Samo kad te dofatim”
77. You are mostly afraid of the word SRAMOTA
78. Your grandmother loves to say “hvala bogu”
79. One week after a celebration you will still eat SARMA or BUREK
80. You can dance kolo to everything, even rock
81. When you go to “basta” to get some flowers for a birthday instead of buying a buket
82. If your mother is a cleaning lady
83. And your father is working am Bau (=deutsch), construction (=English)
84. The singers at your wedding have bank notes spicked on their foreheads
85. If you read this list and roar with laughter
